Tucked nicely in just a few verses in Matthew is the simplest few phrases about a man named Joseph. These phrases are overlooked perhaps as much as the genealogy that precedes it. Many take Joseph to be typical for wanting to break up with the girlfriend that he thought had cheated on him. This is a false assumption. The reality of Joseph's situation is much, much different.
4 Take Aways From Joseph
1. The Penalty Was Death
“Being betrothed was different back then” - the adage we have all heard for years from our dearly beloved sunday school teachers and well meaning children’s books. But the seriousness of this is often overlooked by the common way we speak about it. Betrothed in Jewish culture at this time was a covenant that was entered into legally. It was not the wishy washy wedding planning stage we American’s often think. For those loyal Jewish people a betrothal would be equivalent to what we know as marriage. It’s just that they broke up the marriage into a few stages.
The first stage is called “kiddushin” (betrothal) and was when the parents of the bride and groom (often without their consent) arrange for them to be married. The groom’s family (or the groom himself) would give the bride’s family a “mohar” often called “dowry” or “brideprice.”
The second stage “huppah” was the actual ceremony and would happen sometimes a year or more after the initial agreement was made and the "mohar" was given.
As soon as the “mohar” was paid the covenant was binding and the couple was considered legally married even if the ceremony and the consummation didn’t happen for up to a year afterward.
This technicality is important because during the betrothal (which would have actually been the first stage of Mary and Joseph's marriage) and according to Deut. 22:23-24, Joseph had the right by law to put her to death for the perceived unfaithfulness. DEATH!
There is a type of person who perceives that righteousness is only keeping the law and nothing else. No grace - No mercy. Joseph was righteous - he knew the law. He was also righteous - he sought the best for Mary and thought of her above himself. This is what is meant by fulfilling the whole law by loving God above all and loving your neighbor as yourself (Matt 22:37-40). We must understand as people of the book that being all about the law doesn’t mean that we enforce it at every available opportunity. When we enforce the fullest extent of the law at every opportunity we quit being righteous and become perfectionist. Which is to say that we believe that we are somehow honoring God more because we are making everybody fall in line outwardly. This isn’t grace, this isn’t relying on the righteousness of Christ, it isn't addressing the heart issue and it most certainly isn’t recognizing some of the most important teachings of Christ. One of which is that we fail to see our own shortcomings when we become obsessed with helping others do the law (the log in your eye - splinter in your brother’s parable is found in Matthew 7:5).
Joseph could have easily put Mary to death and would have been “right” to do so, because it was legal and commanded in the law. Righteousness is obeying the law. Can’t you see Joseph’s self-righteous friends quoting the law to him and asking him what all seminary students ask each other when they think they have a ringer: “what does the Bible say? Don’t do gymnastics to get around the text it says ‘purge the evil from among you.’”
Joseph not taking His legal right shows his righteousness. He was not marked by law but by grace.
Maybe you struggle with this type of perfectionism - holding everybody to strict tight standards. No church is good enough, no body meets your standards, you are constantly disappointed and frustrated. You don’t like how others act, think, respond or carry on. No restaurant is right, no conversation is like you want it. Perhaps you just feel that you are the only one right and everybody else is wrong and that everything is black and white. Take a lesson from Joseph, seek to help others and minimize their mistakes instead of exploiting them. Look for ways to serve others and pray about getting over your sense of self-righteousness that tell you that you are the only one that has it right.
2. Righteousness is not just keeping the Law
Beyond not taking his legal right to put her to death he went further… “And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned to send her away secretly.” Not only did he not throw the book at her, but he sought her best. He wanted the best possible scenario for this woman - who for all he knew - had cheated on him and disgraced their families. For his families sake he could have felt justified treating her harshly saying the equivalent of “If it was me I wouldn’t make a big thing out of this, but because my father and mother’s name has been drug through the mud here I have to make a point.” Joseph, it says, was seeking a way not to “disgrace her”. This is more than merely finding a way out - he was keeping her alive, he was showing her respect, he was being kind and gracious to her even though for all appearances she was no better than a prostitute.
Righteousness is not about just keeping the law, but rather is filled with grace and mercy and kindness. If God would have enforced the law to the fullest extent as soon as possible then he would have destroyed us a long time ago. But God was gracious, slow to anger and ultimately waited through centuries to bring about the fullness of His plan to redeem us by putting our shame on someone else.
Our righteousness is not just about keeping the law (we can’t keep the law!) but rather about seeking others best by loving God and relishing in His goodness. He satisfied the law - this allows us to respond mercifully.
3. His worldview was consistent with his actions
Joseph could have believed Mary was pregnant based upon a miraculous conception from the Holy Spirit (Matt 1:20) and then have still separated from her. But if he had not stayed with her like the angel said he would not have obeyed the Word of God. His actions met his beliefs. His worldview, that Mary was now carrying the Son of God, was met by his willingness to do whatever he needed to obey God.
Often we say that we believe God when actually we give a mental ascent to some truth without ever letting it carry us physically. If we truly believe God’s Word then we must take action. Fatih without works is dead. (Jam 2:14-26)
For some claiming to be Christian, putting action to your beliefs and being consistent in your worldview may mean getting baptized. For others it may mean responding differently to your spouse. Whatever situation you find yourself in remember that your response should be consistent with what you say you believe.
4. He had integrity
“24 And Joseph awoke from his sleep and did as the angel of the Lord commanded him, and took Mary as his wife, 25 but kept her a virgin until she gave birth to a Son…” This passage was included to show that Mary remained a virgin until she gave birth to Jesus. There was no human interaction that could have produced the pregnancy and ultimately the Christ child. He was 100% Divinely conceived.
But I think we can extract one more thing from this, and that is how, when no one was looking, Joseph did the right thing. She was already pregnant, they were already married. They are now on an adventure together unlike anything in human history. An angel has told them to get married and stay married. It would have been easy to see why Joseph may have felt the right or desire to consummate the marriage. After all they were already in the “kiddushin” stage. Joseph did not sleep with his wife until after the child was born. He cared for her, lead her, protected her, provided for her and loved her without ever getting to make love to her. When no one would have known and when it would have been easy to fall to the temptation Joseph withheld physical love in order to honor what was happening in Mary and be obedient to God.
He publicly could have shamed her - and didn’t. He privately could have took advantage - but didn’t.
This is the image of Christ in Joseph.
Jesus could easily publicly shame his failing bride, but doesn’t.
And He could easily take a rule and advantage of us but instead he graciously serves us.