Two face: When a person acts a certain way in one place and acts different in another. (Urban dictionary)
Two face: behaving in a false way that hides one's real feelings or plans (Merriam-Webster)
Two face: (informal, disapproving) not sincere; not acting in a way that supports what you say that you believe; saying different things to different people about a particular subject synonym hypocritical (Oxford-English dictionary)
In counseling, one of the goals we regularly face with counselee’s is to help them integrate multiple aspects of their life in order to help them become whole in their direction and pursuits. Some people would have their daily lives not match up to their over all goals for life, and other would have their overall goals so misplaced and confused that their daily pursuit of it would not be healthy. Some still live in a false reality about what is possible in their life based on their skill and ability, and others, do not know how to daily take steps in order to pursue a bigger vision and purpose for their lives.
Scripture tells us that: Ephesians 5:15-17
15 Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, 16making the most of your time, because the days are evil. 17 So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
So that our daily walk should conform to the will of the Lord for our lives (another way to say the overarching goals for our lives). The beginning of Ephesians 5 tells us what the will is: “Be imitators of God (Eph 5:1)” No pressure there - just be like God. You got this. Nope - That is sarcasm.
God wants to help us conform to his image, but how we get there will look differently for each one of us, which is why we must turn our attention to "how we walk… not as unwise, but as wise” not falling for malevolent schemes and enticing worldly pleasures.
So we are hypocrites and need to be integrating our practices (walk) along with our goals (God’s will) and bringing them before the Lord examining ourselves. This is the best way to utilize our gifts and talents with our calling from scripture to make disciples of all nations (Matt 28:19), to love our neighbors, and to glorify God with the gifts He has given us.
Perhaps more familiar is the idea that two face is a deceptive person who is willing to hurt you in order to gain some selfish desire. There are definitely those people in the world. We are all far more likely to trample another person physically, mentally, emotionally, or even spiritually, then we’d like to admit. Our selfishness is truly held at bay by the Spirit’s common grace, and societal pressure. That being said, often our two face is known to us and we wish we were not like that. We wish we were not hypocrites and people who acted one way in front of some people and another way in front of other people. We begin to feel bad for how fake we are or how we didn’t stand our ground or act like “ourselves” for a variety of fears.
We wish we could just be a single person who doesn’t bend and sway with different groups or individuals. What is worse, is often people who act differently around different people begin to doubt their own identity. Who are you? Which one are you? Are you the nice person or the mean one? The sarcastic person or the authentic one? The funny person or the quiet person who appears so righteous? Once we get used to being different people in different circumstances we begin to doubt ourselves and have an identity crisis. So how do we get over that? What can we do not to feel like an imposter in our own skin?
1. Tell the truth
This is hard especially when you don’t feel like it. But regular practice of speaking the truth will set you free. In order to integrate all those persona’s you put out there around different crowds you must start with one crowd and tell the truth and not act like what they are used to and want to see. As you begin to tell the truth you will have some of the groups you are in distance themselves, but ultimately you will find that you no longer live in fear that social circles may collide. As well, you will be consistent so that you are not trustworthy and reliable. This also means you have a responsibility to give grace to others who you may find two faced as they may not know how to get out of this pattern of doing what they think they have to in order to survive social situations. Telling the truth one group at a time will bring into one all the various people you pretend to be and allow you to connect and engage where you previously were shallow and fake. This type of authenticity provides a platform from which to show Christ as good and to uphold His character as life transforming.
2. Receive criticism
Learn to receive criticism by inviting it and maintaining the same demeanor and attitude through it. Find something useful in the criticism and then do not return any criticism, but move the conversation along.
3. Recognize your identity
This is the part where we talk about being “in Christ” although it seems hardly anybody knows what that means. But to avoid a large theology paper in the middle of this instruction, suffice it to say that what I am specifically talking about here is finding you purpose in serving Christ (a natural response to what Christ has done for you). This will especially include your interactions with others (I.e pushing people toward Him, listening well to them in order to see what they are struggling with and seeking to help, paying attention to them when everyone else is moving on, encouraging them to do the hard things, etc.).
4. Stop thinking about yourself rather pursue the good of the people around you
Jordan Peterson once said “A friend wants the best for the best part of you” - that is true and as believers the best part of us is the part that honors Christ and keeps with his nature and character. So whatever is best to push us toward that (regardless of how unpleasant) is what is best for us.